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If you’re the eldest child, you probably feel that you grew up a little too soon. Maybe you were the one settling fights, helping with homework or “being the mature one” long before anyone asked how you actually felt. It’s a shared experience, so familiar that people now call it “eldest child syndrome”.
But psychologists point out that it isn’t an official diagnosis. “‘Eldest child syndrome’ is not recognised by psychologists or psychiatrists,” says Anwesha Bhattacharya, a Guwahati-based counselling psychologist who runs the telehealth therapy platform Psyche Bubbles. “But over the years, professionals have noticed certain patterns in the roles eldest children are expected to take up, and how those expectations shape them.”
Does birth order actually influence behaviour?
Even without formal recognition, the term resonates because lived experiences are strikingly similar. Eldest children are often cast as role models, helpers and problem-solvers, regardless of their age.
“They tend to do well academically, they may show more maturity or leadership skills,” Bhattacharya says. “But it’s hard to say whether these traits are caused by birth order or by other factors like parenting style, gender expectations and socio-cultural pressures.”
Research shows slight differences: first-borns do score marginally higher on intelligence tests, but personality differences are inconsistent. What stands out more is how responsibility is assigned.
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“Most curiosity has been around eldest daughters,” she says. “They face both birth-order expectations and gendered expectations. They are often expected to help with housework, caregiving and emotional responsibilities from a young age, and that pressure can carry into adulthood.”
Why do so many eldest children feel constant pressure?
“Aao toh bade ho, aap toh samajhte ho” (“you’re older, you understand”). This expectation often leads to what psychologists call parentification — when children take on responsibilities far beyond their age.
“Parentification can affect any child,” Bhattacharya explains. “But eldest children are more vulnerable because they are the ones adults turn to first.”
A small amount of responsibility can feel empowering. But when it becomes chronic, the effects stretch into adulthood.
“Parentified children may struggle to ask for help, take responsibility for others’ emotions or have rigid ideas of what makes them worthy in relationships,” she says. They often become adults who cope alone, even when exhausted.
Parentification can have positive effects too like building independence and empathy, but only if the child receives support and acknowledgement.
How does eldest-child pressure show up later in life?
Therapists increasingly see adults whose childhood responsibilities still shape their behaviour. Many appear competent and dependable, yet internally carry anxiety, guilt or resentment.
“They may avoid seeking help, fear being judged or take on responsibilities that aren’t theirs, both at work and at home,” Bhattacharya says.
Some struggle with boundaries, especially with parents. “A lot of eldest children feel compelled to continue supporting their families, even when it affects their wellbeing,” she adds.
What helps eldest children feel supported, not burdened?
Balanced parenting is one of the strongest protective factors.
“Burdening one child with most responsibilities is never good,” Bhattacharya says. “If the eldest child at eight had completely different expectations from what younger siblings have at eight, it can leave them feeling hurt or neglected.”
Acknowledgement, fairness and emotional support matter deeply. Eldest children thrive when they know their contributions are valued, and when they’re allowed to have needs, emotions and limits, just like any other child.
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This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
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